The Sorting Song
by Galahan
Summary: When the Sorting Hat has an accident, Hogwarts' very odd new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has to sing the Sorting Song. Read and Review.


Disclaimer: Don't own any of it.  
  
A/N: I apologize in advance to Legolas fans. And the sorting song is based on a psalm writing exercise-turned-essay. No insult intended to anyone.  
  
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The Sorting Song  
  
Fifth year had started out normally for Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Or perhaps unusual would be a better word, as normal was not normal at Hogwarts. But there had been no flying car crashes, Petrified students, time-turners, Goblets of Fire, or three-headed dogs. And the trio was in time to hear the Sorting Hat's song.  
  
Professor McGonagall called everyone to attention and eventually the student body complied. When the Great Hall was filled with a silence that was deep enough to drown in, McGonagall spoke. She must have said something important, but everyone was still drowning in the silence and missed whatever crucial piece of information it was. Thankfully, the professor repeated it.  
  
"I regret to inform you that the Sorting Hat has had a minor accident." She pointed out the hat, which stood ready upon a three-legged barstool. The stool's fourth leg was apparently wherever half of the Sorting Hat's mouth had gone. "The Sorting Hat will still sort our incoming first years into their houses. However, it will not be singing a song." There was a groan of disappointment.  
  
"Nevertheless," McGonagall had to raise her voice to be heard. Apparently, she didn't want to wait for silence that might drown somebody. "Our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Legolas Thranduilion, has composed a sorting song that he will sing for us."  
  
Professor Legolas stood up from the far side of the staff table and walked around it until he stood by the Sorting Hat's stool. This gave the entire school enough time to get a good look at him. But this look would have lasted as long as Legolas stood there if it had been allowed to. Which it should have. Legolas' outfit certainly warranted it.  
  
The elf was wearing his hair in two pigtails tied with pretty pink velcro bows. The bows matched the putrid shade of pink his dress was. Don't ask how the matching bows and dress can be pretty and ugly, respectively. And yes, dress. Putrid pink prom dress to be exact. Complete with lace and ruffles and low cut neckline. But it was the shoes that sickened all the students. They were perfectly matching ballet shoes. Most of the teachers were still unsickened, that is, until they saw the matching pink purse. Then it was not humanly possible to be unaffected. Unless you're Snape, and the human part is in question there.  
  
Legolas started speaking. "I just want to dedicate this amazing song to my religion teacher when I was fourteen. Her name was Sr. Luciana and she taught me how to write a psalm. And that's the kind of song I'm going to sing for you." He sounded as excited as a five-year-old in a candy shop. Unfortunately, he sang as shrilly as that five-year-old. And the words definitely didn't help any.  
  
"Give thanks for Hogwarts school,  
For his steadfast love endures forever.  
Give thanks for the teachers,  
For his steadfast love endures forever.  
Give thanks for the magic,  
For his steadfast love endures forever.  
Give thanks for the Ravenclaws,  
For his steadfast love endures forever.  
Whose brains are really BIG,  
For his steadfast love endures forever.  
Give thanks for the Griffindors,  
For his steadfast love endures forever.  
Who are so brave they're stupid,  
For his steadfast love endures forever.  
Give thanks for the Slytherins,  
For his steadfast love endures forever.  
Who are sly, crafty, and kind of nasty,  
For his steadfast love endures forever.  
Give thanks for the Hufflepuffs,  
For his steadfast love endures forever.  
Who aren't good at anything but among whom I belong,  
For his steadfast love endures forever."  
  
The tune of "Frosty the Snowman" didn't help Legolas at all. And no matter how long Hogwarts lasts, a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher will never be gotten rid of so fast. It's a pity the body was so beat up that a closed coffin funeral was necessary. He did almost look cute with the pigtails...  
  
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A/N: Anyone who wants a not exactly expertly done pic of Legolas like this, tell me that, and your email address or pen name, in a review. 


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